Today I want to share the opportunity to talk about the dangers and trappings of ego, why it has become such an overloaded term in our culture, where does it actually come from, and how can one channel their ego in the right way -- weather you're aspiring to do something great, reaching the heights of your career, or facing challenges along the way.

P.S. Most of the lessons, stories, and examples in this episode have been inspired from Ryan Holiday's book "Ego Is The Enemy" and distilled from my own personal experience. For anyone who is interested, check out the copy to the book here.

#1 What do you mean by ego, control, and paranoia?

Everyone has had a friend, parent, or boss like this:

They hype themselves with bald visions and dreams

They overestimate their abilities

The pretend to have it all figure out

They flirt with arrogance and deception

Most of you can agree that the terms ego, control, and paranoia are interchangeable. They come in various forms, sometimes with very specific traits and characteristics. So it's always best to be in the lookout for these kinds of people before their influence catches up on us.

Ego fails to conceive and appreciate another person's time, constantly putting their own priorities and commitments above others. We like to think we have a lot going on for us. Our generation wants us to believe that we can achieve everything that we set our minds to. In reality we are overestimating our own abilities, which creates ridiculous expectations.

Control assumes everything needs to be done a certain way --and always his way. The Oxford graduate who now thinks he has it all figured out. The brilliant operator fighting pointless battles for the sake of exerting it's say. The starving artist who can't get out of his own paralysing perfectionism. It's a vicious trait that comes with dangerous consequences.

Paranoia carries the assumption that everyone is working against me, that somehow I need to be 5-10 steps ahead of everyone. Not only that, I also need to be orchestrating various machinations form behind the scenes. To "get them before they get me".

These are just symptoms to the root cause, which stretches deeper that what we can observe.

#2 Why is ego such an overloaded word?

The truth is that ego was always there, often masquerading to what our culture wants us to believe about success, power, and influence.

Our culture fans the flames of ego -- now more than ever success requires talent, a bald vision, or some sweeping plan. It acts like a black hole for humans to constantly beat the odds of what has been possible. And sure, perhaps this what allows for scientists to break past boundaries and for entrepreneurs to perserve through faltering markets. But at what cost? What about the collateral? What about all the damage and destruction along the way? Why is success so ephemeral?

You work hard to reach the top of a mountain, only to find yourself breathing thinner air in an unforgiving environment. You become a victim of the competition and the media. You realise right there and then that everything that was promised about your talent, vision, and skill was nothing more than a cultural tale. And if you think it dosen't get worse, with the new age of technology and communication, it has never been easer for people to talk, to aspire against you, to distort the truth and bring everything you've worked for to the ground.

That's why ego is such an overloaded term for young ambitious people setting in their lives. But that dosen't mean it can't be managed. It can be managed. It can be directed. It can channeled productively.

#3 What's the origin behind ego?

In 374 B.C. Isocrates, then one of the most well-known rhetoricians in Athens, wrote a letter to a young, ambitious Demonicus with advise that might sound familiar to all of us.

Often when someone enters into their first role or joins a new team he's often given the advise to just focus on their job. Do the work and listen to your boss. Keep your head down and stay quiet. Make others look good and you will do well. In the words of Isocrates, he told Demonicus to be "affable in your relations with those who approach you, and never haighty; for the pride of the arrogant even slaves can hardly endure"

As it happened, Iscorates words made their way to William Shakespeare, in a speech that US military officer William Tecumseh Sherman often quoted and rehearsed. Who knows if Sherman ever knew who Iscorates was. He was never a boaster and hardly preached about philosophy. He wished to simply do his job and eventually retire in peace. But destiny took a drastic turn on him, and he was forced to either step up to the role or be sunken by it.

Over the span of his career, Sherman became undoubtley the greatest general and strategic thinker for the US, and on several occasions, manoeuvring out of traditional battles, avoiding frontal assaults or shows of strength, and ignoring criticism designed to bait a reaction. His leadership style was focused exclusively on realism and restrain in order to see past the currency of events.

As the rumblings of civil war broke out, Sherman made his way to volunteer his services, where he was shortly promoted to brigadier general and often met with President Lincoln to provide insight on various strategic locations. On one occasion, he advocated for his famous march on the sea -- a rather bold and audacious plan -- born after spending years studying and scouting the exact topography of what seemed at the time a pointless backwater post. While the other generals struggled for personal power and recognition, Sherman waved his rank and stuck to his plan rather than putting his division in dire situations. That's what gave his superiors the confidence to see through the war and eventually win.

Even at the end of the war -- where he was given the opportunity to run for presidency of the United States -- he chose to step down and was more than happy to advocate for his other colleges instead.

Centuries later, one of Sherman's biographers summarised his career in this remarkable passage:

Among men who rise to fame and leadership two types are recognisable — those who are born with a belief in themselves and those in whom it is a slow growth dependant on actual achievement. To the men of the last type their own success is a constant surprise, and it’s fruits the more delicious, yet to be tested cautiously with a hunting sense of doubt weather it is not all a dream. In a doubt lies true modesty, not the sham of insincere self-depreciation but the modesty of “moderation”.

Anyone reading this has some thesis about success, or fame, or leadership that make us aspire towards great things. Anyone reading this can see what the outcome would have been if Sherman had been driven by all the conspiracies that were designed against him. Anyone reading this knows the different ending to the war if the man chose to close himself off from his superiors and felt this was his battle to win. And anyone reading this knows that his ability to lead and succeed wasn't tied to some creative genius or natural touch either. It was tied to his modesty. His moderation. His culture for building a close, responsive team around him.

That's something that needs to be celebrated today over any glamours feat.

#4 How does one overcome ego today?

• Humble in our aspirations. We have a goal, a calling, a new beginning -- every great journey begins here, for which humility are the only way forward

• Gracious in our successes. We are reaching the top of a mountain we worked hard to climb — but now we face new temptations and problems. Sobriety, open-mindedness, organisation, and purpose are the great stabilisers that balance out the ego and pride that comes with success.

• Resilient in our failures. We are experiencing the trials endemic to any journey — we deal with setbacks, our vision falters, and reality takes a violent turn on us. The way through, the way to rise again, requires a reorientation and increased awareness — purpose, poise, and patience.